I promise you: if you read to the end of this, you’ll laugh.
Along with paying for a NYC law office I scarcely used for the past 12 months, I also paid for the subscription for this dormant website. Turns out both were reasonable investments (though the rental obviously cost much, much more): now that I’m fully vaccinated (finally, an advantage to having asthma!) I’m occasionally back in the office and this weekend, BACK TO RACING.
It was with some trepidation that I prepared for this race, not because of the sprint distance — run 2.1 miles, bike 10 miles, run 2.1 miles — but because of the weather: 32o F (that’s 0o C, for my international friends). Which was fine for a run, but pretty awful for a ride, and I’d frankly been riding indoors all winter to avoid temps like that. Plus the race was a 40-minute drive from my northern suburb to Brooklyn, BEFORE adding in time to find parking… I didn’t review the “last minute”details until 9 pm the night before, only to learn the race didn’t begin at 8 a.m., but at 7 a.m.!
So, I had to get up at 4:30 (Rachel wisely choosing to sleep in another room), take in my nutrition, feed the cats, drive, and try to get there an hour before race time (to get my bib, set up bike transition, use the yes very cold portable outhouse and warmup). I had parked my car and ridden into the park — and I needed help to unclip my helmet, my hands were too cold to feel the clasp! In the transition area, everyone is wearing masks, but squeezing bikes into only 4 racks. Looking through the swag bag to get my racing chip ankle bracelet, I found, in advance of the race, the medal we all received for participating (just like Little League trophies – “everyone gets one”). I held it up to my freezing colleagues and said, “We can go home now!”
A time-trial cycling race was already under way, but at 7:00 a.m. the starting waves for this duathlon were so casual that the race director said “who wants to go next?” I was only somewhat warmed up, but I figured the sooner I started, the sooner I could finish and go HOME, so at 7:05 I crossed the blue and red racing mats – all alone.
This was the closest all pandemic that I came to a virtual race: going as fast as I can without any bunny to chase or monster to run from, ignoring my watch and feeling the heart rate rise, following the racing staff’s direction to turn left to avoid the bicycle route, panting before I reached the first mile because there’s no pacing on a race this short, noting the pretty lake on my left, and it’s over. 14:26 = 7:07 minute/mile pace. (Having recovered from plantar fasciitis that kept me from running for 6 months in 2020, this was my fastest pace in over a year,)
Rush into T1, change running shoes for bike shoes, throw on my warmest yellow jacket (because THIS guy is not going to survive freezing temps with anything less), which probably costs me some time. Another, younger guy has arrived panting and gets out only slightly behind me (no wardrobe change for him). T1 takes me 1:28 minutes –not great.
I run to Bike Out, get on the road, clip in and start to ride as fast as I can, but with the transition from run to bike, I feel the lactic acid aching and my legs feel like lead and that guy who was just behind me goes zooming off, leaving me as if I’m standing still. (Felt like living inside the indoor biking platform Zwift, which I stopped using because I was getting dropped by avatars of other guys riding in real time…)
The bike course is three, 3.35 mile loops around the park. Again, no one around me (except the TT guys whipping past, as far as I could tell — but I later learned that the winner of our race had averaged 30 mph on the bike!) Tried as hard as I could, but realized I wasn’t applying myself consistently, sometimes going for higher RPM, sometimes going for heavier gearing, cautious around the Saturday morning joggers and dog-walkers… Finished in 32:53, or 18.7 mph. Not very fast; there’s definitely room for improvement.
T2 was faster, back into running shoes (my orange, springy Nikes!), start with a stumbling gait, and I look for where to turn but there’s no sign or anybody at the first driveway and I see a sign that says “Do Not Enter” so I keep going straight and I realize as I’m going uphill, I don’t remember there being a hill on the run… And I realize I’m on the 3.3-mile bike loop!
Oh, well. I had determined that this was a “C” race with Coach Steve (after Coach Debi Bernardes announced her retirement, I started training with Stephen Redwood of www.triendeavors.com, a Brit living in Greenwich, Connecticut — a bona fide GMT… Wait for it…. Wait for it… Greenwich Mean Taskmaster) and I’d rather go a little further and make sure I had missed the turn (note to self: REVIEW THE RACE MAP!) than go back down hill and have to turn around again. This was definitely harder than the first run, and when I finally pass a young woman who had been chuggin along on the bike I realize there is no way this woman had passed me, she’s done a shorter run, and I definitely was running an extra 1.3 miles. Do the best I can, but no burst of speed at the end as I finish in 24:52 = 7:26 avg. min/mile (first mile in 7:51, second in 7:17, third in 7:06!) Solid. Total time: 1:14:03.
So, here’s the funny part: I immediately tell the race director that there was no one at the turn and I had run the bike course, and he shouts across the transition area, “Sharon!?” Apparently, Sharon had grown bored after less than an hour and left her appointed post… Race director says, “go talk to the timing official” by the computer at the finish line.
I wait for the timing official to deal with other complaints, and he says, “you want to lodge a complaint about the course?” I said, I guess so. He says, “let’s see, what was your pace on the first leg… Could we add in 20” per mile?” Sure, I said, this is great. He says, “Okay, instead of 1:14, your official time is 1:04:33.” Great! Thank you! “But that doesn’t change your standing. You still came in 2nd for your age group.” What? I said. Even with the extra 1.3 miles I came in 2nd?
Wait. How many guys in my age group?
“Two.”
Told you I’d make you laugh!.
And who beats me? This guy Matt A. Hayes, a guy who had “friended”/followed me on the Athlinks website the day before the race — and Athlinks say he has done 554 races! He clearly had been doing his homework, looking up his competitors among the race registrants. OK, Matt the Mysterious wanted this win more than I did — well done, Sir. So, I guess I have a new nemesis for local races… (Don’t be jealous, Zander, I’ll still train and race with you.)